Tuesday, May 30, 2006

O freaking Lay

Is it someone's idea of a very cruel joke to give us a long weekend, complete with record-breaking heat and then make us go back to school on Tuesday? Cuz it's not very funny. I'm trying to wrap things up, have a fiesta with the kids on Friday, review on Monday, finals on Tues. and Wed. I have all of their workbooks to correct, some dumb poetry project I assigned, several sets of quizzes and tests- and oh, my youngest child is "graduating" from kindergarten. gah.

Here are some things I hate:

1. The words "Can we have a pinata?" I know, it seems un-Spanish teacherish of me, the industry equivalent of being un American, but a room full of dopey teenagers, one of them blindfolded, dizzy, and wielding a baseball bat, whacking the hell out of a papier mache donkey? Um, no. Not to mention the greed-inducing behavior spawned from the explosion of 3rd rate discount candy that turns to sugary dust when it hits the floor.

2. "Is there any extra credit I can do?" Oh, sure, you've jacked around all semester long, now why don't you pull some extra credit project out of your ass and I'll bring that D right up to an A.

3. "Are we doing anything today?" No, absolutely nothing. That's what they pay me for. We are just going to sit and watch paint dry for 90 minutes.

4. "Are we going to do anything FUN today?" Yes, because now that you are in high school, it's just a big carnival every damn day. Bring in a funnel cake, slurp a lemon shake-up, I'll make you some balloon animals.

5. "Let's take a field trip to Mexico." Yeah, cuz that will be so inexpensive and totally do-able. I'd love to take a class of 26 minors out of the country - especially to a place that has no drinking age.

6. "Let's have a fiesta." To me, this means making and sampling food that is actually eaten or at least resembles food eaten in the countries where the language I teach is spoken. To my students, this means bringing chips and salsa and a 2 liter of Pepsi, but no cups because the kid who said he'd bring them forgot them.

I'm sure I could think of more, but these are the most relevant in my life right now.


Blogger Mister Teacher said...

My favorite has always been when my kids ask, "Is a 40 good?"
Um, no. No, it's not.

5/30/2006 11:53 PM  
Blogger NYC Educator said...

Yup. Nothing like a fiesta to get the juices rolling. The best is last period, when all the food's been sitting in non-AC classrooms all day.

The board of health would have a field day, if we still had field days.

5/31/2006 6:13 PM  
Blogger "Ms. Cornelius" said...

Ooooh, your students sound like mine! And I LOOOOOVE the "extra credit" question.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

No, that's not a song line from Gwen Stefani's husband-- it's what you do until summer vacation arrives.

6/01/2006 2:27 PM  
Blogger marsha_tm said...

I'm with you on the pinata. My daughters are seven and ten, and I rue the day I had a pinata for one of their birthday parties.

And such fond memories - watching them whack a crepe-paper PowerPuff Girl and then seeing them go all Lord Of The Flies when the candy comes exploding out and they're hurting each other to get it.

6/01/2006 6:25 PM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Tell them that when they get to college if they ask "Is there any extra credit I can do?" their instructor is legally bound by contract (okay, fib a little for me, please?) to burst out laughing and then kick them in the shins.

And also, I have it on my syllabus that when they miss class, under NO circumstances are they to come up to me and ask, "Did I miss anything?" Because I will say, "No. First we mourned your absence and then we ate bonbons."

6/07/2006 6:40 PM  
Blogger Teacher lady said...

Oh - and I'd hate to imagine what a "field trip" would look like in my class. Although, going to Mexico would probably be a good start.

6/07/2006 6:40 PM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

Teacher Lady-
a "field trip" in your class could be soooo many things! Many of them trippy.

6/07/2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger La Maestra said...

1. The words "Can we have a pinata?" /6. "Let's have a fiesta."

I always give the same answer--"sure, when everyone in this class has an A, then we can have a party."

2. "Is there any extra credit I can do?"

I actually do give EC, but I'm an English teacher, and my EC consists of horribly long essays that have to be absolutely perfect and even then they're still worth very few points.

3. "Are we doing anything today?"

"Yeah, flicking boogers at each other." (I also get "are we going to do anything important today", or, when the little darlings were absent the previous day, "did we do anything yesterday?" To the former question, I always answer "not unless you want to graduate," and to the latter, I always answer "yeah, we sat around and had donuts and talked about you."

4. "Are we going to do anything FUN today?"

"Why yes--first we're going to memorize Hamlet's 'To Be Or Not To Be' Soliloquy, then we're going to write a 3000-word essay dissecting its meaning."

5. "Let's take a field trip to Mexico."

Well, I don't get that one ever (besides the fact I don't teach Spanish, most of my students are from Mexico anyway) but I do get the "when are we going to take a field trip" whine. I give them the same answer as I give for questions 1 and 6.

I'm horribly snarky to my students.

6/26/2006 8:39 AM  

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