Thursday, December 28, 2006

La Familia

Tis the season and all that, but I just need to clear the air a bit.

Dear Family Members,

First of all, we did not, in fact, decide to keep 2 cats as pets as a personal affront to you and your allergies. It would seem, however, that you could dose yourselves up with a bit of Benadryl before coming over to our home, instead of asking us if we have any (we don't, why would we?) an hour into your visit. You know we have cats. We've had one for eleven years. Eleven. I do not mean to be crass or callous with regard to said allergy, but we do have several friends who also suffer from a similar allergy and you know what? They come over, they stay as long as they can, and then they leave. Like yours, it is not a severe, anaphelactic (sp?) shock, throat closes up, let the wheezing begin kind of allergy. It's like yours- sneezing, watery eyes, runny nose. Annoying? Yes. Life threatening? No. Worth making a big deal out of? Not really.

Secondly, when you decide to host Christmas at your house because you just can't stand to come to our house because of the cats, don't complain about it. And especially? Don't complain that you have to work the days before Christmas. Hello? Don't we all? And? A meat and cheese tray just isn't going to cut it for Christmas dinner. And if you must serve it all on paper plates, at least make the effort and buy some damn Christmas plates. You should have asked us to bring something so we could have had a nice meal together, it takes no effort whatsoever to make a ham. You're just warming it up, for the love of God.

Thirdly, last year when we decided not to exchange gifts with the adults and only buy for the kids? I thought that decision was from then on til the end of time. So, what the hell? We get gifts this year? And no one told me? So now I feel like the big Grinchy Claus? The year we all exchanged gift cards with each other pretty much summed it up- we should all just save our money and just enjoy getting together.

Fourth. I know you have issues with the wacky aunt. She's a butt-insky and says things that are insane, insensitive and none of her business. But, we are all she's got. It makes us quite uncomfortable when she calls us and asks when's dinner and we have to be really vague and think of something quick because it's obvious you haven't invited her. She remembers everyone's birthday (albeit with some odd gifts sometimes)and just wants to be part of the family, which, technically, as your mother's sister, she is.

Just a word to the wise? Sitting in a room and watching your children play their new video games while we are trying to have nice holiday conversation is really not cool. Nor is the gi-normous television you have in your son's room. Maybe he wouldn't have such behavior problems if he didn't have the option of holing up in his room.

Oh, and maybe save barking at each other for when you're alone and not in a room full of the fam.

Other than that, we all had a wonderful time at your home and can't wait to do it again the next holiday.

Yours truly,

Snarky McSnarkpants


Blogger happychyck said...

Are the McSnarkypants related at all to the Griswolds?

12/28/2006 8:29 PM  
Blogger Ms. George said...

Nahh, they're related to my in-laws. And some of my students.
Thanks for the comment on last week's thirteen.
I want her to publish #7 but I know I'll just end up staring at it until I can't resist any longer. I don't want the series to end.
I think something will be revealed about Dumbledore. His portrait is in the headmaster's office, sleeping. However, JK did all these 'Sirius is dead' comments and she did not for Dumbledore...

12/28/2006 9:45 PM  
Blogger Adeline said...

here here, i agree.

i wish we could all just go skiing or go to a movie or DO something, rather than having to make polite converstation in a room for 7 hours. I go sour after about hour number 2 and start wondering when the damn holiday will end. And i am probably Auntie Buttinsky at that point because deep in my heart, I am yearning to go away.

good post, make that aggravation funny, it's the only way to deal with it.

I cant leave no such post because my damily reads my blog.

My favorite this year: My mother incensed because she didnt receive the family newsletter. Why doesn't she just ask me what is going on?

12/28/2006 11:03 PM  
Blogger CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

Exquisite letter! It's something your relatives need to hear, not just those of us in the blogosphere. I hope you send it to them--really, I do!

12/29/2006 7:01 AM  
Blogger Shawnee said...

Oh how I wish I could write (& send!) one of these to my family & in-laws. Not that they're all that bad, but I always spend a remarkable amount of time @ family gatherings thinking "WTF??". Ah, family . . . there would be no need for therapy without them . . .

12/29/2006 10:25 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Bluebird said...

Brilliant post! Absolutely brilliant. Are you sure we aren't related?

BTW, I'm coming to your house next time it snows. You know how to prepare! Bread and milk, no way!!

12/29/2006 11:46 AM  
Blogger ms-teacher said...

Are we related? I swear that I could have written something very similar (especially the part about the aunt). Family dysfunction is SO much fun, ain't it!

12/29/2006 12:31 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

What were you doing at my family's house? Were you under the sofa??

12/29/2006 9:50 PM  

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