Monday, February 04, 2008

My Slice of Life

Every few years I get a doozy of a class. Sometimes they just about do me in, but now that I'm older, I get kind of a kick out of them. Here's a cross-section:

Big Boy: Remember "Lard Ass" from the movie Stand by Me, or the fat kid from Freaks and Geeks? I think he's in my class. He is this seriously large felow- nice enough, but has terrible attendance. He's been 2, maybe 3 times since the beginning of the term (Jan. 22).

Smelly Cat: This girl has other issues. Hygiene, for instance. Every day after she's been in class, my room smells like ass. Not your normal BO, but ass. I had to purchase Febreze in a refreshing orange scent. It's weird, because if you don't look at her or smell her, she is quite articulate and seemingly functional. She also has serious attendance issues.

Homeschoolers Brother and sister were homeschooled through 7th grade. Sister is only 13, but she's at the high school. They are good, sweet kids who read for fun when they finish their work early, which is almost always.

Spunky Ski Bunny: Smart, smart tomboy of a girl. Loves to snowboard, so is truly digging all the snow we've been having. She is a joy, but others might not think so- she's got kind of an edge.

The Skipper: Being transitioned out of a self-contained room. Showed up the first day. Haven't seen him since. Seems nice enough. He wrote on his intake sheet: 'I don't like it when people are disrespectful to teachers.' What would make a kid write that? Sucking up?

Gilligan: Skipper's companion in that he's also being transitioned out of BD. He brings no materials to class and got a 26% on our first test, which was insanely easy.

The Real BD Student: ironically, is not labeled as such. He has creepy, sociopathic tendencies- lacks self control, draws attention to himself at every turn. Could not be more high maintenance if he were a pageant girl. Requested to sit up front. I'm afraid if he and the girl he sits by get any closer they'll be legally married.

Thumbsucker: she doesn't, really, but she's so over the top immature, she may as well. Today, she was talking and I called her out on it because I hate when they talk when I'm talking. She of course denied it and explained that she was just moving her mouth, which she proceeded to do more of while I continued with our lesson. Also needs special seating accommodations because she has to stretch her legs, which aren't that long, all the way in front of her. She was also the girl on the day the fire alarm kept going off who shouted "I wish she'd shut up!" in response to the automated announcement "Attention!There has been an emergency! Please leave the building via the nearest exit!"

Mouth Breather Girl: On the first day of class, I have them fill out a "getting to know you" questionnaire. One of the items is "What are your academic strengths?". She raised her hand. "Um, what do you mean by academic strengths?" Nuff said.

Spicolli: Dude, I don't actually have to serve all 10 days of my suspension 'cuz I went to rehab. Excellent.

Teen Pregnancy Poster Child: Ever just get a feeling about some kids?

Big Texas Mama's Boy: He and Thumbsucker should hook up.

I do have others, believe it or not, but they don't stand out as being as interesting. I have several kids with made up names that aren't even compatible with the English language- and they are American born. I'm talking about names with no vowels.(Hermnn. Hrshl.) Maybe they took it seriously when someone asked if they wanted to buy one.


Blogger girlfiend said...

No vowels?!! Tell me more.

(you know I'm excited when I use excessive punctuation.)

2/05/2008 6:59 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Bluebird said...

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you taught at the high school that my middle school feeds into...I swear I've had all those kids. Except for Big Boy. I have him now. And I kid you not...the first three letters of his last name are P...I...G. You can imagine how much fun the other kids have with this.

2/05/2008 7:24 PM  
Blogger Miss Señora said...

I've often thought that I should properly nickname all my students, but with 300 of them, the ridiculous character traits tend to blend together and overlap.

Why is it that the smart ones smell so bad?

2/05/2008 7:28 PM  

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