Thursday, August 06, 2009

13 Crazy things I've encountered at school

Remember that show "Boston Public"- crazy show about a public high-school in Boston? So many people (not teachers) criticized it, saying "oh, there wouldn't be that much crazy stuff happening at a school." I'm here to tell you, YES, yes, it is possible. Here are some (13, to be exact) examples of real-life/I-can't-make-this-shit-up things that I have encountered first-hand either as a student or a teacher, or relative of a teacher. I'm hoping to hear your own crazy stories. I know you've got'em.

1. Several principals ago, the principal at my school had to leave town in the middle of the night because he got arrested for soliciting a prostitute a few blocks from the school, just a few short weeks before school was about to start.

2. A teacher in my building had to quietly resign because he was arrested leaving a crack house. (yeah, the kids were so funny about it- "I KNEW it!", they'd say.)

3. One of our social studies teachers came to school in a chicken costume for no apparent reason. The kids say she also had a cat figurine in her classroom that she'd talk to. When I expressed my disbelief ("Nuh-uh!!"), they assured me that oh yes, 'tis true.

4. Assistant track coach (not a teacher- he's an insurance guy who helps with the coaching)dated one of the girls, then got her pregnant. Sure, they didn't technically start dating until after she graduated, but I still think it's a bit smarmy.

5. Old, curmudgeonly psychology teacher who was VERY strict with his students brought a newly-graduated former student to a colleague's wedding as his date. Not illegal, but still a bit tacky. One thing to date her, quite another to parade her in front of the rest of the faculty.

6. 30-something English teacher divorces in November. Starts dating 23-year old Science teacher in Feb. 2 of them coming to school in the morning together in April. Expecting his baby in June.

7. Speech teacher with sallow complexion because of chain-smoking. Chews nicotine gum furiously (like a cow) during the rest of the school day. Never knows what's going on.

8. District's interim superintendent agrees to stay on another year while the search for another superintendent continues. School board agrees to hire a "head-hunter" to do this. They hire the interim superintendent and pay him an additional $40 K. to find his own replacement.

9. This was at a middle school where I taught about 15 years ago. At the end of the year, everyone was getting their rooms all cleaned up and ready to leave for the summer. It was pretty hot, as it can be in Iowa in June. The school was all one level, with a series of interior courtyards, the classrooms all had sliding-glass doors that opened up into them. One of the English teachers was emptying her watering can in the courtyard and happened to look into the classroom across the way. She was pretty sure she saw the sewing teacher folding and sorting fabric wearing nothing but her bra. (Not to be unkind, but it wasn't anything anyone needed nor would want to see.) So, Mrs. English marched down to inform the principal, a little, tiny tough-as-nails woman. Mrs. Principal went to see for herself. "WHAT are you doing???" was what she inquired as to why this woman was working in her bra. "I got hot!" was the response. "You're in your UNDERWEAR!" "I'm more covered up than 90% of the people you see at any swimming pool." Um, yeah, but you're at WORK!

10. Also at one of the middle schools- I arrived to work one morning to find that the cafeteria was closed, that breakfast would not be served that morning because they had to clean up the mess caused by a DEER who had jumped through the window. There was blood and bits of broken glass (and probably deer poo) all over the floor. The custodians (2 awesome old guys who are now retired)managed to seclude the poor deer in one of the bathrooms and called animal control, who tranquilized it, and probably ended up having to euthanize it. No, they didn't serve venison for lunch that day.

11. My mother worked at a school named for a local person of some notoriety. Her portrait hung in a prominent place in the hallway outside the main office. One day, many years after her death, her nephew came to visit the school. The principal took him on a tour and proudly went to show him his aunt's portrait, only to find that it was not there. It was not there because one of the crazy English teachers (who is now a priest) had stolen it months ago. I guess the really funny part was the announcement over the PA. "Would whoever stole the portrait of Mrs.Benefactor please return it to the office, please?" Years later, when asked about it, Mr. English said he had hung it in his bathroom, because looking at her face would "scare the crap out of anybody".

12. When I was subbing at the Catholic high school, we attended the "living" Stations of the Cross. It's a very somber event and the students who presented did a wonderful job. That is, until towards the final stations, when a bucket of white lab mice were let loose in the darkened auditorium! They did look quite striking, since the auditorium was lit only with black-lights.

13. When I was in second grade, one of the 5th grade teachers stabbed and killed his wife. Their only daughter had been struck and killed by a car just months earlier, and it was a strain on their marriage. They were fighting, and he stabbed her. The weird thing is that as little kids, we were always afraid of him- even though he was not our teacher, he was on recess and lunchroom supervision. He was a big, big guy with a big voice. Coming to school the morning after was very strange- probably stranger for those kids who had him as their teacher. Can you imagine recovering from that?


Blogger Liberal Banana said...

Wow, that is a lot of crazy stuff!!!

#13 - how scary. Wow. I hope he went to jail!

8/07/2009 7:01 AM  
Blogger HappyChyck said...

Great scary stories! The longer I do this gig, the more I think one has to be half crazy, and when you have so many people who are half crazy, crazy stuff will happen!

How would you like to tell us what you know about PARTIES, AUTUMN, LAUGHTER, MUSIC, and SHOES?

8/07/2009 7:07 PM  
Blogger Aathira said...

I have been following your blog for sometime... though this is my first comment here.

Thought would drop by and send you this site for your opinion before I start using it with my class.

10/14/2009 6:03 AM  
Blogger Veronique said...

Kelly gave me your home page, it's been a pleasure to read. Mrs. R was my teacher, I was in seventh grade. I had never cried so hard in my life, until this week. So, in an ironic sort of way, I'm sure I thought I would never recover from that, just like there are several moments during my present day that I feel I will never recover from my current situation. Have I not grown at all in 33 years? Has life not prepared me for the tragedies? Both events seem so senseless, I suppose that's what is so tough. I made it through Mrs. R's death, I will make it through this, however, that is not easing my pain. I am a teacher today because it was dream as a child. How many people can say their dream came true? I can. So why do I feel such misery today?

1/30/2010 10:31 PM  

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